Impermanence

Everything changes….

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about impermanence.

Nothing really lasts forever. And in some instances, this is a really good thing. The cut I got on my finger last week? It’s gone. Those intense emotions I experienced? Over with. Heck, I’m even glad that the last of the Thanksgiving pie is finished so I can get back to a healthier diet. In all of these instances, we don’t want the situation to last forever, so it’s easy to release and move on.

In yoga, we talk about the Absolute and the Relative. The Absolute is, well, Absolute. It’s ever-present, never-ending, everywhere, and all at once. It’s what you might call God, The Divine, The Universe, The Self, or Universal Consciousness. In the Tantra, we call it Shiva, and it is eternal, so it really does last forever.

Shiva has a counterpart called Shakti. Shakti is the expression of the Absolute in the Relative. So, everything that you can see, feel, hear, taste, smell, etc. is a manifestation of the Absolute, but in a relative form. It’s a little piece of the Absolute, and as such, it is not forever, but it is always changing. Everything pulsates, vibrates, and the only real constant thing in the relative world is change. In Nature, you can think of Shakti as the waves of the ocean, and Shiva as the vastness of the ocean itself. Each wave is an expression of the ocean, and the entire essence of the ocean is contained in each wave.

One of the concepts in yoga (and in Buddhism) is to release attachment. To not get attached to objects, other people, or even the results of your actions. Now this is where it gets hard! I’m definitely attached to lots of things, people, and ideas. I’m definitely invested in the outcome of my actions- otherwise, why would I do the action in the first place?

It’s because we’re talking about the relative world. We live in a world of relationship. We rely on one another even to get our basic needs met (food, shelter, clean water, love.) We interact with each other to build community, friendships, happiness, and we work together to bring about positive change. No one exists in a vacuum. No one is meditating at the top of a mountain for dozens of years. (Well, except maybe a few Sadhus in India.)

In the modern world, those who practice yoga are often referred to as “Householder Yogis.” We have a family, we have a job, we have hobbies and activities that we do that aren’t related to yoga. The goal of the householder yogi is to bring a little more unity into the body, mind and heart and connect with something greater than ourselves- not to try to escape and become a renunciate (one who gives up everything for a purely spiritual life of meditation). We’re not going for complete liberation, we’re just trying to get through this life with a modicum of grace and a good outlook on life.

So, back to attachment.

It comes down to desire. In some traditions, desire is the root of all suffering. And I can see how that can be true. One of our cats, Pashu, got out of the house earlier this week, and we haven’t been able to get her back in. I deeply desire for her to be safe, indoors, cuddled with me on the couch right now, but she’s still out there somewhere, and I’m really struggling with this. Maybe she is having the time of her life, but I’m worried that she is cold, scared, and suffering, or even worse, hurt or sick. I’ve done all the “things” you’re supposed to do- put food outside, put things that smell like her (and us) outside, today I walked through the wooded conservation area for an hour calling for her, put up fliers in the neighborhood, notified animal shelters, etc. And still, no kitty. I’m sad and worried that she won’t come back. It’s stressful, and I don’t want to experience that loss, because I love her so much! So yes, my attachment is making me suffer. (See how cute she is?)

But I also recognize the impermanence of it. Cat’s lives are inherently much shorter than humans’ lives, so at some point, I will know the loss of my kitties. We’ve had many pets before who are no longer with us, and the loss of each one has been painful. But it’s inevitable. Death is part of life. It’s going to happen to everyone. No one is permanent.

A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with cancer. It’s hard to imagine life without her in it, but her prognosis is not good and that time will come far sooner than any of us would like. I’m going to miss her so much, and I’m already sort of mourning the loss of the ways we used to spend time together. It’s really hard to process, knowing that someone you love is suffering and there’s not much you can do to take that pain away from them.

When I visited with her the other day, she said, “I don’t want anyone to cry over me, just remember all the good times.” But even our memories are impermanent. There are many things I can’t remember from my childhood or even my kids’ childhood. I wish I could remember every moment I’ve spent with the people I love.

When faced with the loss of a loved one (or a pet) we have a paradox. Yes, we want that person (being) to always be there with us. Their presence brings love and joy and comfort and happiness. But we know it can’t always be so. There will come a time when we have to let go. To step back and observe this paradox is interesting. I recognize that my attachment is causing me to suffer, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I don’t want to be indifferent to loss. I want to feel the sadness of loss- because it is a measure of how much love there has been. It is a reflection of the depth of relationship I have experienced. And this is oddly comforting.

It’s OK to be sad. It’s fine to be scared when faced with the unknown. Yes, it hurts. But even the pain is somewhat impermanent- it will eventually diminish over time (although not completely go away). Everything changes.

BUT- according to Tantra, deep within each of us is a spark of the Absolute. And when we touch into that depth in meditation or during practices (yoga, kirtan, pranayama), we remember our collective immortality. Maybe we don’t really “die,” we just change into a different form. We return to the energy that we were before we were born. We get reabsorbed back into the Absolute, with perhaps the potential to spring forth again as a different manifestation.

I don’t know. I don’t have any of the answers, but the questions are interesting and worth contemplating, even though I don’t think the answers can actually be known. That’s where Faith comes in- we believe that there’s something bigger out there. We believe that we’re not alone. Or we don’t- everyone has their own view and belief. (Which is also interesting to contemplate!)

I choose to stay open to the possibilities. I keep impermanence in mind, but I also cling to the things and the people I love while they are here. And I’ll continue to put out food for the cat- as long as it takes- until I have evidence that she’s somewhere else. I do have faith that she will return, maybe even tonight! and our reunion will be joyful and wonderful.

Cheryl

If you’re interested in exploring Tantric concepts while you’re moving your body into a variety of shapes and forms, check out my Ashaya Yoga online classes at www.bodymindheartyoga.com/schedule-and-prices

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